


Unforgiven

by bucciaratissun



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Non-Graphic Violence, Possessive Behavior, Super Soldier!Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:26:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucciaratissun/pseuds/bucciaratissun
Summary: Although the Soldier had long left Hydra, he was on your trail even after all these years apart.Please consider the tags before reading.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	Unforgiven

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is Bucky x Super Soldier!Reader fic. The reader is on her way to the place she called home back before she was kidnapped and trained to be one of the Assets. The events take place in a half-abandoned Russian village.
> 
> As always, I'd be happy to see your feedback. And, of course, thanks for your kudos <3
> 
> P.S. I'd like to thank amazing @TansyPoisoning for her stories and the comment about Bucky that helped me finish this fic.

It smelled like burning grass. The scent was pleasant, somewhat familiar, nostalgic even. For someone like you after all years of “service” it was similar to stumbling upon a hidden treasure. People like you never got nostalgic. People like you had no past; they were stripped of kinship, denied any rights, freedoms, and privileges. 

It was a miracle you remembered the right place, after all.

The wooden houses on both sides looked old with their black log walls and rickety porches. Sometimes doors and windows were covered with rotten plywood as if they were abandoned, but you could still see smoke in the sky from the chimneys. 

Most of the people you saw were elderly women with dull-coloured scarves around their heads, walking the street slowly and rocking from side to side a bit. Some were feeding chickens and geese on their backyards, some were just sitting on the porches and staring into nothing as if the world did not exist outside of their discolored old houses.

There were kids, too. You spotted a few of them, running from the geese with both loud screams and laughter, their feet bare and dirty. It was disturbing your memory, and for a second you felt scared and lost.

They could never wipe out all the memories, regardless of how much they tried. A part had always been somewhere there, somewhere they could never reach unless they wanted to destroy the soldier’s mind completely. It was rear, though. The Assets like you were valued. Remembering a few moments of your life before serving was deemed harmless if you obeyed your every order, and you did. As all the other soldiers, each burying a picture of their old lives before becoming Hydra’s Assets deep in their minds.

Did you run from the gees too when you were a kid? You didn’t know when they took you, but you supposed you had already been a teenager, maybe a young adult even. If these huge loud birds were following you when you were a child, maybe you had tried to escape them too. But why would you be afraid of the geese? These kids you saw did not grow here in the village. They were from a town. They had never fed the livestock. 

No, you did not run. When you were a child, you probably saw the other ones running.

Suddenly, moving your feet was getting harder as if you were tired. Were you? After so many years feeling your own body became somewhat unnecessary. The devices were tracking your state of health to the smallest details, and if you were more resistant towards pain, it was only for the better. Yet now, with no one to tell you what to do and take care of your physical condition, it was… inconvenient.

“Dochka, ty ischech kogo?” (“Dear, are you looking for someone?”)

One of the elderly women was standing close to you, her head covered with a faint blue scarf. She was wearing a long flowery dress with a dark brown apron tied around her waist. She didn’t seem familiar, but she couldn’t be, right? If she had been here when you were taken, she was only a child.

“Zdravstvuite.” (“Hello.”)

Although you had spoken Russian before with some of your masters, now it finally felt like a language you grew up speaking. This feeling of belonging felt odd, but it had been following you since your escaped weeks ago. Everything without the masters or orders felt strange, foreign, wrong.

“Ya ischu Rechnuyu 17.” You did not care to smile since it was not one of your missions. It did not matter what the woman would think as you had nothing to gain from her. “Vozmozhno, tam kogda-to zhila moya prababushka.” (“I am looking for Rechnaya street, house #17. My great-grandmother had lived there once, maybe.)

Astonished, the elderly woman suddenly changed her expression when you mentioned the address you were looking for. With wide eyes she asked the family name that belonged to a woman living there, and you recognized it from the records you found a week ago. It was the name of the woman from whom you were taken, your birth mother. Someone you remembered nothing about no matter how hard you tried to pull the pictures buried in your head.

Oh, the elderly woman was overwhelmed. Although she was indeed a kid when it happened, she remembered the day when Anna’s daughter was kidnapped. It was in 1951, she said. Anna’s husband died late in the war, and she lived in the house alone with her child until one day her daughter vanished into thin air as if she had never existed in the first place. The old woman was talking and talking about Anna and her life after that, but it was hard for you to concentrate. Naturally, the orders you were given were always concise and extremely specific. Aside from that, your masters did not talk, though you did not feel the need to speak to someone, truly, as most of your time you spent in a cryochamber. Now, however, it proved to be rather hard to follow long conversations. The logic behind woman’s words seemed foreign to you.

You learnt that after Anna’s death the house was given to some other family, but they, too, left these places a long time ago. Rechnaya 17 ceased to exist as its wooden logs rot to the core. You had nowhere to come back to.

The woman did not ask you where you came or whether you were a descendant of long-lost daughter of Anna. There was pity in old lady’s eyes when she was looking at you. Should you pity yourself, too? Apparently, this emotion was familiar to you. You pitied yourself when the Soldat was coming over to push your face into the bed and pull your robe up. 

There was something in your face that made the woman wipe her eyes with a dirty handkerchief she pulled from the pocket on her apron.

“Poidem, milaya. Ya tebya otvedu.” (“Come, dear. I’ll lead you there.”)

She took your arm in her warm wrinkled hand and pulled you lightly, showing you the way. The feeling of human flesh felt strange, but nice. The woman was not hostile as he had always been. No danger radiated from her, a little fragile lady with a face withered away like an old piece of fruit. You thought you could break her in half with a single movement of your hand. Why would you kill her, though? You were not given an order.

But maybe the old woman would die soon anyway if the ones following you would find the village. 

Who were they? Those people tracking you? They almost got to you in Helsinki, but you managed to escape through the forests. You knew these places better than them, you figured out. Those men did not belong there. They were neither Finnish nor Russian. 

Were they Hydra’s agents coming to bring you back? To kill you, maybe? The Assets that did not function properly were not good. They had no need in them.

You remembered one man in particular, a _winged_ man. His skin was black, his eyes boring into you as he was shouting something you did not catch. They were not your code words, anyway. If he was Hydra’s agent, he had to say those.

When you broke out of the lethargy, the old woman was gone, and you heard a distant laughing of the children somewhere behind you. You were standing in front of a pile of blackened stones – the only thing left of the house you once lived with your mother. You made a few steps towards the stones and touched them, dirtying your fingertips and feeling the rough solid surface beneath them. It was a stove. You suddenly remembered what it felt like to sleep in the bed on top of it during winter, when nights grew longer and the cold increased. You lied on your thin mattress, feeling hot white bricks under your back and listening to the quiet snoring of your mother. 

You dropped your bag and sat down on the ground, crushing the long grass that was reaching your thighs. Your back touched the cool bricks behind you.

You didn’t know how much time you sat there with no thoughts, your head completely empty. You had reached your final destination. There was nowhere to go, no friends to see, no work to do. Maybe you should just wait until Hydra would come to either take you back or finish you off. Since the Soldat had left, your serving was smooth, easy. It was surprising that one day you killed your superior and became a fugitive – something snapped in your head, and the next day you were riding your motorcycle somewhere far from the place of your mission.

You could not remember the face of your mother, still. Was it the reason why you left? Did you want to remember anything else? You couldn’t tell.

Anyway, nothing else mattered. If you didn’t have an identity of your own, a name even, maybe knowing the identity of your mother was something unnecessary too. 

It was dusk when the perfect blue sky above your head darkened and you heard men shouting from afar in both English and Russian, the garbled sound of cars driving closer with each second. They were finally coming for you, the man with his wings of steel flying over the village. Now you’d learn whether he was one of the new masters or not.

… it was the noise of a motorcycle’s engine that got you alerted. There was something very disturbing in it, something dark, something that made all the hair on your neck stand up. You saw the man riding the motorcycle and stopped breathing for a few seconds. 

You rose to your feet, leaving your bag on the grass – you had an old AK-47 rifle in it, but you ran out of bullets. There were a few bowie knives you stole, too, yet they didn’t matter either way. You turned to the forest behind the pile of stones that were a large white stove once. 

You heard the motorcycle’s engine dying close to you, but you could not turn your head, sprinting as if your life depending on it. It wasn’t Hydra. 

“STOP!”

You knew this voice too well. You knew who it belonged to even if now it sounded more human and much less mechanic. The sense of fear, so uncommon, extraordinary to you, blocked all other feelings. You needed to get out. You needed to escape before he comes closer and force you to do what he wants again and again until he is satisfied and _spent_. You could not return to the life you had before he went away, the times when you were chosen to be his personal pain reliever, a tool to control his urges more than any medicine could. You were not a fucktoy; you were a soldier. Your masters called you the Thunder for a reason.

You preferred becoming the Asset again rather than letting the Soldat step on your chest with his boot. But he escaped, didn’t he? He wasn’t with Hydra anymore. He was with someone else, someone who ought to be the enemy of Hydra. Should you consider them an enemy if they were against your masters? No, they were your enemies because the _Soldier_ was on their side.

“Thunder, please! We’re here to help!” His voice sounded fucking pathetic, and anger filled your chest, an emotion as rear as fear. He wanted to help. The one who damaged you more than any scientist or soldier did. 

The winged man had to come down from the sky as you entered the dense forest, breaking small trees and bushes on your way as if you were a running car. Bucky was closer to you, but Sam didn’t like what was happening. You were twice as hostile as before. In Helsinki you simply dodged their attack, merely stabbing a few of his men with a shiv and leaving them behind. There was no rage, no agony, almost nothing human in the way you acted. Your eyes were dull and empty. 

But that was then. Now something changed as if you were a completely different person. Sure, you still acted like a machine the same way Bucky did when he first met him, yet now there was something unmistakably human in that expression of horror on your face. What frightened you so much? What could a brainwashed super soldier be afraid of? You were not scared of Sam or his team sent to capture you. Years of serving Hydra took away whatever was left of you after their training. 

Was it something to do with your memories? With your ruined house where you sat? No, it couldn’t be. You might be furious thinking about the life you lost, but not scared. What changed you so fast?

“Bucky, something ain’t right!” Sam rushed after him, but his friend did not listen, continuing his chase.

Oh, he knew it wasn’t right. Nothing the Soldat did to you was right from what he could still remember, but Bucky needed to get to you before you could slip away from him again. You needed him to help you become human again even if you didn’t get it now.

You could sense him speeding up. He was almost breathing down your neck, and you drew a shiv from the pocket in your combat pants. Yes, you knew well he had been the strongest among the Assets, but you would not submit. Not tonight, not ever. If you were lucky enough, the winged man would kill you before the Soldier get in control.

Even after they worked with your brain with the Memory Suppressing Machine, you still saw his metal fingers clasping your thin shoulder the first time you were sent to him. There was nothing in the room except a bed in the middle – you sat there before the Soldier emerged from behind, an empty shell of a man, you thought. But he wasn’t. You saw something human behind his cold blue eyes. Something predatory, something fierce and frightening and sinister.

He looked at you with these eyes now.

“Medveditsa!”

No. No, please, no. Not your code words.

“Sakhar!”

You tried to increase your distance to stop hearing his loud voice behind your back, but the Soldat was too close.

“Holod!”

If you could not outrun him, you had other ways to silence him. You turned back and jumped at him with a shiv in your hand, and the Asset shielded himself with his metal arm. There was no red star on it anymore.

“Berlin.”

You were desperate to stab him in his face to prevent him from speaking, but he was strong.

“Pech’.”

You were losing your grip over the shiv.

“Anastasia.”

You dropped the shiv to the ground and stood still; chin up, eyes forward.

“Pyatnadtsat’.”

“Krasnyi.”

“Boloto.”

“… Soldat.”

Your eyes turned hollow while your breath stabilized unnaturally quickly. Whatever part of your mind stayed conscious was now gone; your dull expression looked terrifying to Sam who caught up to you two.

“Ya gotova otvechat’.” 

Bucky motioned you to walk back to the village where the cars were ready to take you to the nearest airport where the plain was already waiting.

He would bring you back, confine you to the compound before he would get your head cured. Maybe not completely – those code words were too useful to get you into submission – but with most Hydra’s programming gone he would show you could fight for the good guys now. With Steve gone they were in desperate need of new people ready to throw away their lives to protect the world. You’d be perfect to be his faithful ally. It didn’t mean you would be stripped of any rights and privileges again since the government was ready to provide you with anything in return for your service. Bucky would help you regain your humanity, too. 

As you were by his side again, he would take a good care of you. You just didn’t realize how lucky you were he found your code words.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you reading the story till the very end! Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> The meaning of the code words:  
> medveditsa = mother bear  
> sakhar = sugar  
> holod = cold  
> pech' = stove  
> pyatnadtsat’ = fifteen  
> krasnyi = red  
> boloto = swamp  
> soldat = soldier


End file.
